How soon after breaking up to start dating
Why are you thrown for a loop by the news that she is dating others? This can take practice, but you can render these thoughts harmless if you can breathe deeply and think, By maintaining your objectivity for a minute or two, your physiology will calm down if already triggered, and eventually you’ll be able to let those thoughts pass through your brain without being triggered. But don't consider her rejection a dismissal of the chemistry you shared. Also, it’s not as if she stole the great chemistry you shared, and is now enjoying that same chemistry with another man.Over time, you’ll deflate the power these thoughts hold over you, and devoid of any emotional load, they can simply fade away. Engage in fun, interesting, or relaxing activities that occupy your brain or at least put you in a calm or meditative state. The chemistry you shared with her was unique, and can’t be replicated-- by her by you-- with another.
It’s not completely over until , as in, you’ve adjusted and moved on. Related to a past blog post “Coping with Distress and Agony After a Break-up” I recently received a comment that illustrates this situation.But as you’ve discovered, if you’re confronted with evidence that she has moved on and into the arms of another, this can trigger a deeper grief, where you may feel especially alone and abandoned.And yes, even though you understand that this relationship was rocky and winding to a close, you can still miss and grieve for the good times.You can be evaluated for depression and get treatment (counseling; maybe medication, and lifestyle changes) to help you emerge from a hard-to-shake funk and those intrusive, distressing thoughts. Counseling can promote self-knowledge, self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-confidence, all of which can help you move on. Make a list you can easily refer to whenever you start going down the road of thinking about her.The sooner you reclaim your balanced brain chemistry, the sooner you’ll be able to adjust to the break-up and move on in a positive direction. Counseling may also help you uncover what’s really going on for you. Counseling can also prepare you for a more functional and fulfilling relationship with an equally self-reflective, well-adjusted woman. When you are flooded with intrusive thoughts about your former love being with another man, instead of assigning emotions to these thoughts and getting caught up in the hurt and distress, become an objective observer. Hit the pause button and think: , it’s natural to feel distraught when you think about her possibly having "great chemistry" with other men.